Twenty Somethings Worry Dads

Tom Eblen writes today in the H-L about a topic that worries both of us - whether our adult children are safe out there.

We are both fathers of twenty-somethings and that brings the typical worry that some evil might befall them in the world. But there is also the fear that our children may fail to use good judgment and place themselves in jeopardy.

Tom says...

Senseless deaths are parents' nightmares
TOO MANY PROMISING LIVES ARE CUT SHORT

There's an old saying among parents: Nothing good ever happens after midnight.

Last week, two very bad things happened in Lexington while most of us slept.

Two University of Kentucky students died in tragic accidents. By all accounts, they were the most promising of young people.

Brian Hardin, 27, died Wednesday after falling and hitting his head on a sidewalk. He was walking near the intersection of Woodland Avenue and Maxwell Street about 4:30 a.m. after a night out with friends at a nearby bar...

...Three days before Hardin's death and a few blocks west on Maxwell Street, Connie Blount, who was about to turn 19, was killed as she crossed Broadway with a friend. It was 2:15 a.m. and raining. The police report said that as the couple crossed the street, against the signal, she "stopped in the roadway for unknown reason" and was struck by a hit-and-run driver...

...It's too early to say what role alcohol played in last week's deaths, but it appears to have been a factor -- just as booze in the wee hours contributed to the deaths of seven other UK students since 2002. Two young women fell into a flooded storm drain. A young man ran in front of a truck; another in front of a train; a third in front of a car, whose driver also was drunk. Another fell off a cliff while camping with friends. Another fell through a third-floor dormitory window, along with the brother of another student...

The fact is, our adult children know what they are supposed to do; and not do. They know the safe thing. Too often they think it's boring. ..or don't want to risk being labeled unfavorably.

So like we did in our youth, sometimes they choose otherwise. Faced with the peer pressure and some desire to party, by whatever means are fashionable according to the day and the peer group, all too often they roll the dice. Most of the time they win, and have a story to tell. ...very reinforcing. Sometimes they lose and we call it a tragedy.

Fortunate, but no better; I have a story

As a rising senior at UK I had to work in the summer to raise money for school. That year I was working at the Levi Strauss warehouse in Florence. My same-aged co-workers were from Grant County and I accepted an offer to go "honky tonking" one night along Highway 25. I was always a late bloomer and a bit of an alcohol wimp, so I watched with amazement as my new friends drank boilermakers in several establishments. But, with no real critical regard for what was going on, I kept getting back into the car. This was long before the days of designated drivers and if I had a thought for my own safety, I don't remember it.

Sometime after midnight, on our way to the next place, we approached a railroad crossing. Stopped about twenty yards short of the tracks was another car, waiting as a freight train passed at full speed. The lights were flashing. The bell was clanging. And of course, there was the train itself. But in defiance of reason our driver decided to pass the stopped car at about 40 miles per hour. Two of us saw what was about to happen and screamed. The driver slammed on the brakes but not before the car's hood slid under the train, which sheared off a 3 inch square section of the Grand AM's hood.

I have always thought of this as "the night I should have died."

A Fathers Fear

Tom reflects on the father's fear...

These tragedies have been on my mind a lot this week, and I know why. I'm the father of two daughters in their 20s. The younger one turned 21 last Monday, and, of course, she had planned a big night out with her friends.

I told her at least three times that day to be careful, be responsible. I'm sure she thought I was overdoing it, because she has always been responsible. But bad things happen to good kids.

Today's young adults have new rituals.

Most bothersome to me are those that involve binge drinking and the current fashion for celebrating ones 21st birthday involves over-indulgence-as-celebration.

This from the New York Times by way of MSNBC:

Risky 21st-birthday booze ritual gains popularity
Survey: Drinking 21 shots is more common than previously thought

The ritual of drinking 21 or more alcoholic beverages to celebrate the 21st birthday appears to be far more common than expected, according to new research...

...It's estimated that more than four out of every five American 21-year-olds drink alcohol to celebrate the birthday milestone, which is the the legal drinking age in the United States. But a new study from University of Missouri researchers of 2,518 students shows that many young adults aren't just drinking to celebrate — they are drinking to extremes.

Among those students who drank alcohol to celebrate their 21st birthdays, 34 percent of the men and 24 percent of the women reported consuming 21 or more drinks, according to the research to be published in The Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. The report is believed to be the largest study of the drinking ritual, which often involves shots of alcohol. The students in the study were followed for four years and asked a variety of questions about their drinking behavior over the course of their time in college. Although the findings likely can't be applied to the general population, the data likely do reflect the drinking culture at large, public
universities, say researchers...

21 for 21

This VIDEO from MSNBC: (It’s called “21 for 21” — young people binge-drinking 21 shots of alcohol to mark turning 21 — and it can be fatal. Matt Lauer talks to a mother whose son tragically drank himself to death.)

So we dads are afraid. There is good reason to be.